Martin Slidel: Narcissi

Only this, The small stuff That held life together Is gone Events and routines And quiet travails Charting those other days, No longer here A calendar chain Sensed on my skin — It was never there To begin Where do I go now when I was never anywhere, I was never near — Only this asking.

If you’re in an extreme version of events, you may begin to crave or establish a desire for your own version of Normal — or what you think or want it to be. Normal, from a Foucauldian perspective, is not neutral or self-evident. It is an effect of discourse and the operation of power. In Discipline and Punish , Foucault describes how institutions produce ‘normal’ subjects through techniques that do not merely enforce external rules but quietly shape how individuals come to understand themselves against shifting norms. Confused? Exactly. Normal, in this sense, becomes destabilised — an ongoing process of regulation. Under conditions of uncertainty or disruption, the apparent stability of ‘normative’ structures yields. What once operated as an invisible background of assumption may become visible through its absence. In such moments, individuals begin a process of “disconstruction” — a gradual reassembly of what counts as ‘normal’. This is not a rejection of norms, but an attempt to re-e...

Life is all We leave behind Tell me Is it why Come morning I Am bleary eyed Life is all We are yet to find Tell me Is it why Come noontime I Am teary eyed Life is all It failed to sign Tell me Is it why Come twilight I Am weary eyed. – Berkshire, England, 2025

Say. Before the weeks forget themselves We should check Whether the proper main end Is still attached To the versions This — You know — This — is historical: The few of us Standing in the sidelines Like unfinished captions. Wait. No. First, Because we had so much-working-but-see-it-machinery Such accidental weather If eleven we get even If poor is they. If Sadly becomes architecture again we will, you know, we will, Could be they. Or. Or. All rights left flickering Behind the OK But there — Say. An answer to You know, so

I felt sick at the house. I felt sick on the train. The moment I arrived, I felt fine. Some people and situations teach us about sides of ourselves we don’t fully know. If ever shoehorned into uncomfortable spaces, we may also be forced to face truths about ourselves. Circumstantially, it can be a lengthy process. Even with ordinary escape routes (of partnerships, of working patterns), the outlying tension feels harder going. However, tension is a formula for growth. Not in moving on, but in understanding why. This internal journey made me realise that vulnerability and strength are companions on a continual path to self-awareness. By learning to navigate moments of weakness — on my own — I am better positioned to define what strength and stability truly mean to me. Of course, this is different for us all. Making a fresh start sounds appealing, but it is also scary. Again, personally, one of the changes of later years is a growing contentment with solitude. Previously, being alone woul...

Life becomes easier when we stop rebranding horribleness. When we accept that some people have been horrible towards us. When we accept their behaviour for what it was. When we accept that this is simply how it is. There is something freeing in that acceptance, because it deepens our appreciation for what is good — and for the people who are good to us. It allows more of that goodness in. Shutting doors is not about closing in on oneself. In the same way, we might say that “a boundary is a door, not a wall.” It is about closing doors on the past: on the people and situations which never truly worked with us. An acceptance both of knowing why, and of never fully knowing why. Sometimes a door can simply be closed. Quietly. And we are allowed to make that choice ourselves. “The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” — Marcus Aurelius

Unless we arrive at a level of exemplary self-awareness — and that is the challenge of life — life, as it is, shall always return us to what we escaped from. What is unexamined does not disappear. It reappears. In new forms, faces, circumstances — with the same emotional signature. In toxic dynamics this becomes painfully visible. Distance is not the solution. Unless something in us shifts, what we think we leave behind will find its way back. Dressed differently but structurally familiar. These patterns are rarely recognised in the moment. They are often mistaken for intensity, chemistry, loyalty, or even love. And so, they repeat quietly, until awareness begins to interrupt the cycle. ‘Exemplary Self-Awareness’ is not about perfection or constant vigilance. It is the gradual development of honesty — the ability to recognise what one is drawn to, what one tolerates, and what one repeatedly normalises. It is the point at which repetition loosens its hold. Not because life changes but b...

Bash crash clatter Spatter sputter splatter Jangle rattle brittle battle Jungle jingle jingle jangle Slam! Bam! Bish! Spam! Dish dam! Ham wham! Go slow! Oh no! No! Thanks! Thank you, ma’am! Wop bam boom! Wallop dop dollop trollop Thud thump clonk wonk Wonky Wonka Willy Silly Billy Fury Filly Surly Dilly donk flonk flunk Dink dunk plink plunk Sink brink sunk drunk Plinky plonky, plonker, Rodney! Drip tip drip slip Click clack thwack whack Hair flick, Herr Flick! Blip itch flip switch on off on off on off On. My. Wick. Tick Tock Clock, docked Tick Tock Tick Tock tick tock tick tock Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick! Clickety-click bickety-bick At The End. Of my wits tick tick tick tick Tock block block STOP A visual text version is available on Instagram:  instagram.com/martinslidelpoet

boundaries dismissed as if nothing promises broken trust broken the aftertaste of the reminders of the needs unmet. Of the cruelties dispensed this: the slow slide down the wall as if ready for a fall cheap exhausting small

Antagonistic and enabling people usually teach us. They are harmful twice. First, they put us in danger. And then, they leave us in danger. It's uncomfortable to integrate those truths. – Dr Ramani Durvasula

I don't carry hurt I carry reality I carry experience. Forgiveness is Not the same As memory. 23.04.26

Arm yourself not with urgency But with awareness gathered quietly Protection is not always resistance It is sometimes distance Sometimes clarity It is to step back From the noise of others Where uncertainty is loud And understanding is absent Forge an exit not through anxiety But through respect for complexity For time is not the enemy Do not be pulled into movements Not your own Let others have their storms Remain outside what does not belong to you Never enter unguarded What you may not yet need To endure.